hey guys ,

As many of you I had some lousy side effects from my last medication ( Risperdal) .. So my Pdoc wants me to try " fanapt" wanted me to come by the office and pick up samples Of course its a new medication and expensive) today and see him on monday (emergency visit) well I decided i would just wait til monday ,, I hate starting a new medication on the weeekend .. so thats ok per my pdoc .. Apprently this med is use for schizophernia .. which yes i know alot of meds treat bipolar and schizophrenia so Im not too awful concerned about taking the med per say ,.. theres not much on this forum about this medication ... it causes issues with lightheadeness/ fainting and all the typical stuff ,, heartrate problems blahblahblah ..

Today I also recieved my letter of denial from Social security on my request for reconsideration.. IM sooooooooooooooo frustrated my T and Pdoc both argee i am unalbe to work for a variety of reasons ,, my rapid cycling ,, sleeping less than 10-12 hours a week total !!! I am not comfortable driving at all since i drove off the road back in march due to whatever med I was on at the time ( theres been so many ) and lack of sleep ,, I have auditory and visual hallucinations daily ,, they of course get worse when my sleep decreases .. My next step is apparently go to a court hearing or something to that effect with the disability lawyers i hired when i first started this process .. FInacially things could not possible get worse ... i lose my health insurance at the end of the year ..

I know tons of people just want a free paycheck from the goverment so it takes forever for me to have all the paperwork processed .. It took me almost a year to realize i truely needed to file for disability between my fibromyalgia and bipolar ,, i am not at all thrilled about filiing at all ,,but to keep being turned down when according to my pdoc and shrink I cant work .Social security keeps saying i can work.. trust me I wish to god I could work as opposed to dealing with all this paperwork and nonsense ..

Im just having such a rough time right now I have no idea how to deal with the anger , sadness and again feeling like a usless burden to everyone ..

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! I have been in tears all day over the letter and just knwoing im going to start yet ANOTHER medication and concern over side effects has me a complete and utter mess .

Thanks for being able to just vent and whine and cry about stuff on here ,,hopefully it will help me cope better or at least get it off my chest

Thanks everyone