(Background story)
I broke up with a boy almost 6 months ago after a long and close relationship. However, I was still kind of flip-floppy about breaking up with him, so that seriously complicated our relationship. Then for some reason (I don't remember) he started to really annoy me, especially when he talked about his own problems. I felt like he didn't care about me anymore and never listened to what I had to say and what I was dealing with. So one night I just went on a rant about how annoyed I was (and we had never really argued before. at all.) and told him all of the issues I was dealing with (a bit exaggerated) and how he didn't even notice/care anymore. After a few minutes of being super mad I hung up the phone and went to sleep. About an hour later my mom came in my room and asked me "Are you alright?" I mumbled yes, but then the next morning I realized what had happened. The boy had told my parents. EVERYTHING. I was sooooo upset, I couldn't stand it. But then the emotion shifted...
(Actual emotional issue)
Now I can't even look at the guy without feeling sick. He scares me. I tried to get over myself and my stupid emotions by sending him a message on facebook asking if we could be friends again and that I was stupid to still be mad at him (I wasn't really mad, I was just sick and confused). But the next day I saw his face and I just couldn't stand it. I ran in the other direction. It is not his fault at all. I just can't look at him, let alone talk to him or be friends with him without being sick. Every time I think about him I have mini panic attacks and whenever someone else mentions him or something that reminds me of him I get violent for no reason and scream at them to shut up. I have no idea why I act that way. There is no reason for it. He didn't really do anything all that wrong that would cause this. But I just can't stand it. And now it is hurting my friendships with other people because I get reminded of him for even small reasons. I have no idea how to even start to handle this and I don't have a clue why I'm acting this way. Please, anybody help me understand this. (I'm sorry for making this so long, but I just ache.)