Yes i know this only to well. What I was when I was using and not careing for anything or anyone. We all have to do everything we had to do. One day in 1990 I decided,if this was all there was to life - this was after a nite of crack with nothing left I tried to kill myself. as a good alce I screwed that up and someone came over the next morning I was just crying I had lost myself. I tried a few days before to get treatment after 3 hours they through me out. so I was tring toget help and I know I could not do it on my own. I went teatment center they had to let me go after 5 days ( no Ins) my first year was a very hard one in everyway the thought of using was there I was angry did not let anyone get close to me. it got easyer, but it took its time. today I have 15 years of not using an AS degree and a family that truly cares for me. I wish you well in the search for yourself May god be with you.