First off thank you for taking the time to read this and, hopefully, reply to it. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible.

I'm a twenty year old male who is struggling with depression. This is caused by a number of things. Primarily I have been single my entire life and being in a relationship is something that truly matters to me not because of the physical nature of a relationship but because of the emotional connection one receives from it. Another primary cause would be due to the fact that my family beliefs and my own personal beliefs are beginning to diverge. This is a double edged sword because it at once severs a strong connection I've had with them over the years and also causes me to believe that life is ultimately pointless as I have been taught that this particular belief is life's sole purpose.

Secondarily I struggle to gain friendships. I seem to be far more serious and focused deeper issues than my "friends" who never invite me to anything although they hang out with each other frequently.

To further extenuate the problem I believe that the reason I have been so alone and lacking in relationships is because I am far too nice and giving. I am well aware that people tend to think more of themselves then they actually are, but I truly am a "good guy". I hold open doors, I don't swear, I almost always put others first and I always have an open ear for others problems. I am genuinely interested in the well being of others. It would seem as though this quality is not desirable among men in this society (America). My desire for a relationship is great but my desire to hold fast to my morals is also great (and there enters the beliefs problem with further confuses the issue).

While each individual problem might be bearable they have, combined, brought me to a very heavy low. I know that many people have lives far more difficult and dire than mine and this ironically only makes me feel worse as I am genuinely compassionate towards these people. I have been brought to what will hopefully be my lowest point. I have considered ending my life a few times but I know how much that would hurt my family. I do not consider myself to be in danger of actually doing it but I suppose that line is what separates the dead from the living.

I've many interests but primary among them is psychology. I would be most grateful if you could direct me towards studies, terminologies to look into, and self treatments that might alleviate the issue. I seem to be stuck in several double-binds and I am vaguely familiar that my framework of mind needs to shift somehow but I am unaware as to how it may be shifted. I do not ask you to give me a fish, but a net if you wouldn't mind that I may catch my own and that my solutions may increase with my predicaments as time progresses.

If you are unaware of many psychological terms your general advice would also be much appreciated.

Thank you much and my apologies for the length.