Lavendersteph,

Bear with me because I'm not mentally well right now, but felt a response for you.

Coming from an abusive home, my Mom didn't protect us (I don't know if she was able - the whole thing was beyond her paradigm I think). You were so brave and unselfish for sticking up for your sister. You did what you Mom couldn't, and that's not her fault, she was just incapable for whatever reason. You did a great thing! If I had been able to protect my younger sister from my Dad - things might be different. But at that time, I couldn't, I was only 8yo.

My point is here, give yourself more credit. You were the brave one who did what was needed to do at the time. Forgiveness takes time, we can't make it happen and the church is wrong for preaching that, IMO. Yes, God does want us to forgive, but there is a healing process involved and you have to allow that to happen. It's different for everyone.

Please be kind for yourself. I know it's hard and I'm not doing a very good job myself right now, but, from what you are saying, your Mom was wrong and seems like she's projecting her frustration onto you. And that is not right.

Hugs,
SongBird