When I was in college I realized I enjoy secretly wearing a bra, mildy tempted about other womens clothing, but just in private for short periods and only really for sexual purposes. I concluded (begrudgingly) I had to admit to myself that I have a transvestic fetish. I'd rather not have it, but I can't hide it from myself.

Much more recently however I've been frightened by the thought that I could actually be transgendered because I hate myself, and my body, and any time I fall I love with a girl I also admire and worship her and become jealous of her in a way. I have some feminine tendencies, I'm a bit of a girly guy.

The idea of being transgender terrifies me. I could never cope. I think I'm just transvestite, but am I just in denial because it's too painful to think about being transgender? I feel confused. If you're interested btw my sexual/romantic interest is only in females. It's only my identity which has begun to confuse me. Help?