Sigh....Yes Venus I know what your saying and I kinda of fear for your struggle and I try not to feed your lows or maybe your embrace of your lows. And the reason I get troubled sometimes about embracing the bad is that I was unknowingly going down that path myself. I just didn't understand what I had and I didn't even realize that I was feeding into it, getting worse. And there were times in my life that there were real reasons behind different depressions that I faced. I went through more than I should have, it was hard on me, and if I can say anything of my own experience that may ring some kind of bell in another that may lead them in the right direction away from bearing with suffering, than perhaps the knowledge and life experience I have will serve as a benifit to someone else. From what I have read in this thread, I don't see people necessarily lashing out at you Venus, it is more about different angers coming out and that is exactly what most threads are going to reveal on some level. It is the nature of the beast when it comes to Mental Illness and struggling to understand the constrictions of it.

Yes we can talk of historical figures that dealt with different Mental Illnesses and still presented wonderful novels and paintings and sculptures etc. But these people truely suffered and they didn't have a choice other than to make the best of whateve they could. I find it very sad, perhaps these people could have still created but didn't have to spiral down to a poor ending. We have so much more knowledge about mental illness now than we did back when these people struggled. And, we are learning more and more all the time about how to help people who struggle and even to help them understand themselves better.

The movie I talked about, that is a true story and the man that suffered with mental illness eventually chose to not take medication. But, he learned about what his mental illness was and it allowed him to be in the present and still live a productive life, whereas before he was NOT able to identify and understand his mental illness and he was feeding into it and it was getting dangerous for him.

Since I joined PC, I have, myself had so many reality checks that I honestly didn't see. I was sinking through every lowering level in PTSD and I didnt even know it. And to be honest, it was comments from members here that made me question myself enough to do more research, ask more questions in therapy and see things about myself that I truely didn't see.

Last year I was battling depression only I didn't really see it and my whole family was trying to recover from a lot of loss too. And everyone around me kept pushing me and taking over and I was sinking and didn't truely see it. And then one day in the morning I was trying to wake up and get my brain going and the front door was slamming and there was a lot of activity around me and the next thing I knew I went into a rage and I couldn't stop it. I took it out on my daughter and and she had been provoking it, but how I acted was not in my charector. It resulted in my daughter moving out and I honestly could not understand why I acted out like that. I truely love my daughter, worked my butt of for her to have a better life, I would never want to hurt her in any way. As time passed I grew more and more guilty about what I had done, to a point where I hated myself so much that I came really close to punishing myself to the extreme.

I asked so many different people why I would act that way. I had all kinds of answers. I had answers that told me that it was angels stepping into my body making the next step happen which meant get my daughter out on her own. I had someone tell me that my daughter deserved that and she was too entitled and it was bound to happen. And NONE of the answers I got from different people were true. The truth is that day I was severely triggered and that rage is part of my mental illness which was PTSD that was not being treated and was, instead progressing.

Now, I have had enough therapy and done enough research that I am allowed to walk away from fairy's into knowing facts about a real Mental Illness that I truely have to understand and treat.

I don't want to go down the fairy road Venus, the fairy road didn't help me. I was getting worse and had I not known what I was truely dealing with, I may have truely punished myself completely.

I don't want that for you, and I don't want that for anyone.

PC is a difficult place as I have mentioned because so many members struggle with different kinds of mental illness's and can lash out in anger.
I see that in this thread and I have seen it in other threads. It can be hard not to take it personally in every direction. Hopefully something will be learned. If something is learned or recognized by being triggered, that is what we, as members of a support group, have to find a way to forgive somehow. And it can be hard to see our way through these struggles that come out in the interactions of different members.

My Sigh in the beginning of this thread is not directed at anyone, it is directed at the stuggle we all have with Mental Illness and our efforts to understand it, find our way with it and join together in such a big support group with so many different kinds of Mental Illnesses. Considering the variety of Mental Illnesses here, it is a pretty calm supportive site.

Open Eyes