I just got discharged from almost a week in the Psychiatric ward of my hospital. The problem is that I cannot tell if it is depression or anxiety or both. I did feel like giving up on life when I went to see my family doctor on Tuesday. Once I was in there, I was in a constant crying state. My intention was to get a letter from him returning me to work, due to financial stresses. I could no longer afford to remain on medical leave. I have also been looking for work in other jobs so that i would not have to return to this stressful job I already have.

Once I began to talk to my doctor, all the frustrations, tensions, worries, and thoughts poured out and I told him I could not take anymore...I did not want to live anymore. He had me admitted to the psychiatric ward in our hospital.

While in hospital, I did have some recurring episodes of anxiety. They all said they could see signs of anxiety in me during my stay there, and my family doc told me he had seen anxiety in me during other visits. Yesterday, upon discussion with the psychiatrist of my intended return home, the discussion of going back to job search, and quitting my present job, triggered an anxiety attacks.

During my stay there, the doctor increased my antidepressants, but prescribed nothing for anxiety. I am confused. Was my emotional outburst an anxiety attack instead of depression? If so, wouldn't an anti-anxiety med be better than upping the antidepressants? If this is anxiety, then staying in hospital did nothing for me because I was only avoiding the trigger and not learning to deal with it. Now that I am back home, as soon as I have to face this anxiety again, I still do not know what to do. Will I just end up losing control again?

Also, during my stay, I wrote down the thoughts going through my head during my anxiety. The anxiety is related to my value as an employee in the working world. Still on minimum wage after 30+ years in the work force, about 5 different trades and educational degrees behind me, and I still get the same stuff over and over. I don't have what they want. I don't have enough of what they want. Or I have too much.

The thoughts that were going through my head while in the hospital lastnight were:

"Stop playing the victim! Stop being a coward! Why can't you handle what everyone else can? Stop being so lazy! Stop pitying yourself! You're just seeking attention! You've never done anything to deserve praise! Suck it up! Stop whining! Coward, coward, coward! You have nothing they want. You have no worth in the work force.
Shame!"

Is this anxiety? Is this depression? I cannot tell. before I look for a solution, I should at least understand what my problem is. I have an appointment with a counsellor coming up and another appointment with my family doc next week.