As you read our posts, Tryingtorebuild, you will see that we are all suffering from our past abuse, although the suffering may not manifest itself in the same ways in each of us. Personally, as I go through therapy, I am finding that I have to confront my past in order to make positive growth. You are a victim, not a freak. Please take care of yourself by seeking out a therapist who can help you to take back your life.