I live 3 hours away from my family and actually have not seen my brothers for about 1.5 or 2 years. That would be the last time I went to Montreal because of my struggle of leaving the house.

I did see my mom over the Christmas holidays when she came up by train to see me.

With everything going on, my mom is playing the telephone game with my brothers.

So on Friday one brother emailed and asked if he could come and see me on Sunday to chat and that he really wanted to give me hug.

I said yes but I am sooo anxious now, the cuts on my arm are going to freak him out. I'm sure mom has told him but he has never seen it and these are the worst ever.

I could wear a long sleeve shirt but I tend to be hot most of the time.

I'm scared and feel guilty that he is driving all this way to see me. I know I am going to breakdown and ball when I see him.

I'm not sure why I decided to post this.