Sounds like you were out of your body which is extreme dissociation. You may not have had an orgasm before. You may not have allowed your body to feel one. You kind of have to surrender to an orgasm and allow your body/ mind to go down that path. It sounds like you arent ready, and no one should push you. When you are really relaxed and with the right ( ahem ) stimulation, an
orgasm will happen naturally. In my opinion, the easiest way to have one is with a vibrator , and clitoral stimulation. There are books
On it. But the hardest way to orgasm or enjoy sex is when you feel a lot of pressure to perform or orgasm. You can start slow just by relearning touch etc. There are books like the sexual healing journey, and sexual healing, that can be helpful.