I'm 19. My father is a raging alcoholic with major depressive disorder, my mother has generalized anxiety disorder, and my sister was just diagnosed with clinical depression. I have the least amount of problems in my family but I know something isn't right with my mentality as well. Throughout high school I was flat out miserable to say the least. I never smiled, I absolutely hated my friends, I would eat lunch outside alone by choice, and I would brood constantly. It wasn't something I could control. I just hated everything, as if I was in a perpetual bad mood. When I began college last year, it got remarkably worse. During March I became completely overwhelmed with regret for the choices I made in high school. I was sick of being me and felt like I was living a life that I didn't want to live. I barely ate and all I could do was lie in bed and think about how far away I was from the life I actually wanted. I cried and pitied myself. I absolutely hated myself and the life I was living. And then I came up with this marvelous (at the time, anyways) idea to drop out of school and pursue film. First of all, I go to college on nearly a full scholarship. Secondly, I know NOTHING about film. But during that time I felt like I was on top of the world and I could do anything I set my mind to. After years of no emotion or feeling down, I finally felt like the world was mine for the taking. I seriously thought I could get into USC film school with 7 months of experience, completely starting from scratch. During that time my mind was racing with thoughts and I'd even call up old friends in the middle of the night just to tell them what I was thinking. I'm super introverted and I hate phone calls, so that's really strange in hind sight. I would shoot down anyone who tried to talk some sense into me. I started making these unpractical plans to make movies because I seriously thought I could do it. I did drop out of college and when I came to my senses around 3 months later when that "high" ended, I really realized how badly I screwed up.

That's the one instance in my life that really leads me to believe that I'm bipolar. I think I definitely had a manic episode during those 3 months and the depression is sort of just there on default. I don't think it's a big enough deal to see a doctor about it. It felt so normal at the time, but when my sister suggested I had some sort of mood disorder, my eyes opened WIDE when the symptoms matched so clearly what I was feeling at the time. I want to wait and see if I ever get these cycles again. That way I'll know for sure, but any opinion would help. Thanks.