((((sweepy))))

While none of us here can diagnose, I have to agree that you could have what is called complex PTSD which stems from childhood abuse. It is possible to have BPD as well. I think that you should see someone who truely specialized in PTSD as many symptoms can mimic other disorders and it can be misdiagnosed. If you are addressing PTSD getting therapy for it will help you understand many of the things you do, some you may not realize you do. I can help make sense of some of the symptoms you are expressing here and possibly others that you may not be aware of.
And that can help you understand yourself better and learn how to look at yourself in a much more understanding way.

I am very sorry that your past was so full of fears and uncertainty. You can find your way to feeling better.

Open Eyes