Still the same condition and confusing both me and the vet. I am trying to keep my head straight with this, it truely is a challenge, testing my hypervigillance and I wake up in the middle of sleep with severe chills from nerves. And every time I try to express my feelings my husband quickly pushes buttons to "just deal" which triggers me badly as that is what I am truely trying to do. It sure brings back some bad memories of how I was treated before when I was just in shock, just reacting to a bad situation of a lot of loss suddenly. It has been several days now, it is truely draining and not at a point to make a decision of euthanaisia. And the vet is demanding money again and its not there. This is awful.

I wonder about my prayers and why they are not being answered, why is this going on and on? I am only just understanding what I am dealing with in PTSD. What is the right way to think so that I dont fall into PTSD deeper, not knowing it? And I can't believe my husband is going back to making snide remarks that truely trigger the past, even when I try to tell him I am doing my best. I hate how people don't get what PTSD means. I hate the confusion of it myself. It sure has been such a challenging year.

Open Eyes