I am very similar, Silent tsol.

Just recently, I've noticed that not allowing myself to express or even experience happiness is a BIG problem in my life. I use crutches, like beer, to get me a little more loose & turn that stiff side of my brain off.

The problem comes along when I cannot or will not allow myself to do that without a "crutch". That's where I am right now. I wish that I had the answer in how we stop holding ourselves to "sit still". It's automatic behavior, which means that we need to do something to replace it.

Maybe someone else will post a helpful answer for us. *hope*