It's dark. I'm staring at my glow in the dark clock. I don't like being alone at night. But I don't want to keep waking my bro up when i'm like this, throwing up all the time and sleeping and waking at the oddest time. I feel like a little kid again when i'm like this. I know that he is gone. But i feel almost the same ... fear,nervousness as when he was still here. Expecting the door to open. A tall black figure in the doorway. The door that closes. Him coming over to my bed, lifting up the blankets and pulling down my pyamapants and underwear... The pain and hot tears... I FEEL it SEE it SMELL it as if it is happening right now. i must be going nuts