I say that even if your children are not being hurt physically in any way by all of this, viewing it is definitely hurting her emotionally. Even if they are not in the room when it happens, fights that escalate to physical contact still effect the kids. Also, it is still considered child abuse even if they are not hurt in any way.

So you really, really need to take the adult road in this relationship and get out of there. I know this is hard. This is your house. But this is a dangerous relationship, physically and mentally, for everyone involved.

I know you don't want to involve the cops. But if he has a history of stalker behavior, and won't leave or get out, then you have to go. You don't deserve this treatment, and your kids don't deserve to see it. So, when he's not there, don't worry about his stuff. Just grab as much of your stuff as you can and head out to a local women's shelter, church, or any organization that helps women in your situation. They can help you and protect you.

If you stay and anything happens to your kids, you will be held equally responsible. Even if it was an accident.

Please take care and I hope you find a better situation.