stormy, what you posted bothers me! I can understand why you're upset.
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Oh what to do... I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! I didn't think a T COULD be so VASTLY different outside of the therapy role. I really, really didn't. I'm baffled. Now what to do with this knowledge. 
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I didn't think so either!!! Have you encountered this in any T-training, where the books say that you can be one way in therapy and another way outside? I know that many people have to put on a smiling face in their jobs if they're working with the public, but it sounds like your T has a totally different personality!! That's scary. I would hope that a T would be genuine and if "cold" and "harsh" is her real self, then she is in the wrong profession! I'd hate to think that my T is someone else outside of therapy.
I don't think you should have to accept those "mean" parts ET exhibits. It's expected for a T to accept the client's parts but the T isn't supposed to be that way back!
She sounds a little like my former T, but at least she told me upfront that she is blunt. I'm sorry you're going through this. You don't have to see her anymore, do you?