Thank you I am very tired and I don't know what to do. This is very hard. This pony started my business with me and took care of my child.
I have had her for 21 years and she has always there through many difficult times for me. She is trying and I honestly wish I could take her to the hospital as the vet that comes to my home doesn't know what is going on inside her that would be presenting all of this. I hate not knowing, it is so not me. I truely feel so confined and helpless.

I just feel like I am letting her down because I just cant afford the hospital. I should have seen that dog running my horses/ponies that caused so much bad. I just feel like I am never going to break free of this. I am tired, truely tired. I just wish I knew what is going on, I just feel so helpless and I feel like I am letting her down. And it is embarrassing talking to the vet who's trying to say I need to take her to the hospital. Its been going on so long its torturing my conscience.
And I am all alone with her, it is ME that has to be responsible.

I hope I am not triggering anyone here, I am just at such a loss, I don't know what to do with it in my mind. I don't have someone telling me that I need to be merciful and euthanize etc. so I have to address this like she is going to recover. It is just going on so long.

Open Eyes