First of all, I am in the wrong. So please do not judge me. I've learned a lot of things through this mess. But I got involved with a married man. When we met it was instant love and we bonded on nothing more than communication. We talked about life a lot, past and exisiting problems and we bonded through eachothers personal experiences. We began seeing eachother and then tried to break it off quickly for several reasons. But mainly because we were falling in love and that was not right for the situation. It did not last and we continued the relationship. 8 months in he told his wife and that was the beginning of two long years of seperation. She moved out, he moved out, she moved out. They own a house together but no children. His wife was very co-dependant on him and was not handling the situation well (I guess who really does) and over the course of two years he tried to ease her in to this new life without him while also adjusting himself. Change is still very hard on someone even when it's their initiation. In any case it was constant 2 years of hatred, depression, hurt, guilt, anxiety etc. She would not let up on him and this has taken a great toll on him and our relationship. Through all of this our relationship remained strong and he continued to express to me to stick it through and stay by his side.

She finally began moving on, new life, moved away etc. Our life together was falling in place (or so I thought it felt). Things were close to normal and it felt good. Many friends, family etc were accepting the situation or finally understanding things and life was moving on. I had been living in his house for probably a year with him. Bits of resentment would come out of him at times, or he would be sad etc. But we always worked through it.

Now after everything, the fight we fought and being steps away from making it he asks me to leave. He needs time. He feels too badly about his divorce and the role we ultimately played in it. I understand this, but I don't understand why after all of this time he would choose to do this now .... why not months ago? A year ago? It's been almost 3 years with me.

I always expressed to him how important it is that we remain open, communication is the key to a successful relationship, he would express to me that although our foundation didn't start a solid one that he was sure we could persevere and it indeed is solid enough to make a life. So I am confused, and hurt, and very sad. I did everything I could to be supportive of him through these year, even though it was very painful for me too. I cannot be mad at him and I know I am in the wrong very much so that makes this pain I feel worse. But our love was so deep. He says he still loves me. He just needs time and wants to disassociate he and I from her.

I don't know where to go from here. I miss him deeply and am trying to give him his time. But I am scared. I have had enough relationships to know what is good and beautiful and despite our complications it's what we had and I am so very scared to lose it forever.