Not a mess. Pretty normal. Given that the other usual option is angry/bitter, your mode seems the better one.

I'd suggest though (from experience) that pretty soon you might want to acknowledge in your journal the possibility that she might not come back. Only the possibility. If you don't make room for that soon, you are setting yourself up for real heartbreak later.

Since it's only a possibility we're talking about, there's no self-fulfilling prophecy here. If she comes back, the possibility is instantly forgotten.

I'm glad you're posting here. We all think you'll survive this, & we want you to be better equipped for the next time. Life is a process--we're here to upgrade the ride!

Take care.