My mood is getting grayer and grayer as the day goes on. So is the sky.
I got some things done this morning before my T appointment but afterward, I just want to cry. It's not like there was anything triggering about the T appt, aside from having to go to a T at all (which is still pretty new for me). And I don't know what to work on, which feels like performance pressure to me.
I set myself just one task for this afternoon. I just have edit and send out a report that's already fully written, and I only have minimal edits to complete. I have luxurious chocolate waiting as a reward - though I'm afraid that if I open it before I have something to reward myself for, I'll eat the whole thing in one sitting (not what I want to do with an $8 chocolate bar!)
Of course, I have a whole ****load more work than that, but just that one task is all I am trying to do. I'm having a terrible time with it. I don't have my ADD meds yet, and I'm a little panicky, but I'm also afraid to take the hydroxyzine the pdoc gave me for anxiety because it might make me too drowsy to function at all. So far I'm just barely holding back tears.
I don't know what to do with myself when I get like this. I know I'm making it worse in at least 10 ways and can't make myself do anything about it (at least I ate some ramen, that did help.) And whining isn't going to make it better, either; I should probably just take a hydroxyzine and shut up.