LOL. I don't know if my husband is so lucky or not. I think my basic need for peace in the household probably set up part the current situation.

We both came into this marriage from volatile situations. Before we decided to get married, we agreed on how we would handle disagreements and/or conflict. Such things on the list as - no shouting, no hitting below the belt, no name-calling,etc - things we had felt uncomfortable with in our former relationships.

That worked fine for 10-12 years. Something changed somewhere along the way. Hubby began acting out and I just withdrew. I feel more an observer than a participant in "discussions" we have these days. I quickly discovered if I tried to reason w/ him - it got nowhere and I also discovered that if I matched his tone, things just continued to escalate to the point that I felt I didn't have a voice and I was not loved and respected enough for hubby to care how I felt or to want my input on major life decisions that affected us both. He just did his own thing - tough luck how I felt about it after-the-fact.

I guess I didn't handle things the way I should have.

I have noticed in the last few years, hubby has gotten very parental with me, wh/ infuriates me. This past weekend, more of the same. I called him on it but he simply takes the discussion a different way to "prove" how I am a lousy person and he is the suffering responsible adult person. He will stop at nothing these days to make everything "my fault" and emphasize how put upon he is b/c I am not reaching his ideal of perfect mate. The silliness can be as simple as my not cleaning up the kitchen fast enough for him. Excuse me? For him?

I am not the hired help.

I finally just told him I was the first to acknowledge that I am not the perfect mate, but that it is only b/c I don't want to be mean-spirited that I haven't outlined the many ways I feel he has failed me as a spouse.

So you can see - things are not progressing well, lol.

Not sure that I even know what the issues are anymore.