I think the situation you are in, your ages, whether children are involved - these things all temper how a person would process knowing that his/her spouse stated he/she was in love with someone else.

First of all, I would have to ask myself . . . why would someone SAY that. If my spouse wants to reconcile . . . why would he say that he still loved the other person? Seems that is automatically setting things up for the "left behind" partner to feel distanced.

I would have to think to myself . . . he is saying he wants to reconcile . . . he is saying he wants my forgiveness . . . he is saying he wants to make this relationship work . . . but then by saying he is still in love w/ someone else . . . isn't that his way of putting the psychological ball in my court to force me to be the one to end the relationship?

And does that mean that for the rest of this relationship, I am gonna feel like "second choice?"

Those are the questions I would have to answer for myself.

I would add . . . not all marriages stay together b/c both people are deeply in love. Sometimes, it is just a matter of convenience or shared history or fear of being alone. That doesn't mean there can't be respect for one another. You can still work towards goals together and be kind to one another. However, unless you are willing to compromise (and usually, most folks aren't willing to do that, unless they feel the companionship is more important than the other compromises) . . . most folks want to feel cherished by the person they have chosen to live with for a lifetime.