Rohag// I've never seen a doctor about any of this. I havent seen a doctor in about 8 years. I dont know if i have access to any professional who can help. But even if i did, i dont see how they could help - it's my problem, my stupid fecking issues, my horrid situations, i dont know if anything could help me. Whats happened is in my memory and that'll never go away.
I'm just now even more scared because the memory might get stronger if i am actually pregnant. I know thoe pregnancy tests have the possibility of being wrong.
I may buy a pack of 2 tomorrow and do one a week or so. If they both come out negative then i may be calmer (even though i may not be). But if even one of them comes out as positive....well i dunno what i'd do. I couldnt have a baby. I couldnt have an abortion. In reality, I'd rather die to be honest. Although that isnt saying much.
Stern// When looking at what you've said I understand it completely. Yes, i'd never blame myself or hurt myself over an animal attack. But somehow something like this makes me feel dirty and worthless. My brain fails me. I know the test was negative, but it's still going to worry me because I know they can be wrong. I seriously dont think theres anyone who can help me: i dont now any therapists who i can go to for free and I dont want to burden my friends with my worthless problems.

But thankyou both for the comments. It does help a tiny bit. xxxxx