In this thread I am just surmising, and ponderous so I write down my thoughts and feelings as responses to the confusing situation I am presently in. I have lots of questions running inside my head, in fact they are too many I cannot remember any one of them but my emotional state ... frustrations and anger... say that something wrong if not horrible is blocking me in this final journey of my life.
I am a dreamer...rather, goal-oriented...the worst thing that can ever happen in my life is when I am blocked or prevented from achieving my goals. I have major goals which are set according to the given stage of my life; and the minor goals should jibe with the major stream of my goals. I keep myself assertive to my thoughts, feelings, people in my horizon, objects in my environment among others; to assess and evaluate my progress in terms of my goals.
Yes, I know that I sound very serious as if I take life seriously, as if to be serious about life would award me immortality. Not really, in fact people around me would comment that they envy me for my light outlook in life because I never give importance to anything that they deem worth-dying for. Perhaps I am an egotist in the sense that anything or anyone, or any activity for that matter that has nothing to do with me and my progress in the goals I set for myself, I ignore and reject...they mean completely nothing to me.
Perhaps, I am stern and rigid to myself; but not really...I have my own version of fun and my fun is real fun...fantasy is out of the way; I know my reality and I live it.
Okay, such a litany but I remember one question out of the many that can never find answers but just to live by and see what happens...the only answer is to live my life in a moment by moment basis...the answers can be seen in living my own life in complete awareness given that I am that assertive...most often the answers pass me by without me taking notice of it and so I feel despondent when I realize that I have delayed reactions that had piled up.
Now this question; What is bothering me now if any? This is the perennial question that I have been asking myself since time immemorial.
Answer? Yes, answer...it's written in the stars.