First youre young. Youre only 14. I know that my own sexuality was very confusing at that time. Please dont worry that you arent "normal" or that something is wrong with you.

I dont think your messiness thing has to do with the children as much as the messiness.

I do think that if you dont feel comfortable with something that you shouldnt do it... like with the videos. You felt uncomfortable, so you stopped. You looked and decided that they were weird and stopped. Thats exploring and is again perfectly normal.

If you can find someone to talk to about it that you feel comfortable with you should, but I dont think you have anything to worry about.