Hi WindInNewYork - welcome to PC and I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing here. It seems scary at first sharing your deepest feelings, especially when you wonder if these thoughts are okay. If you were a child watching a child the same age who is messy - this doesn't mean you're a pedophile at all. As you got older, so did the age of your attractions. Do you like to see people messy as in soiling the diapers or just general messiness? Either way, there are people who share this interest.

To answer your above questions. No you didn't do anything wrong and you're not a bad person. Do you need help - well you need help for the OCD. The OCD could also be playing some part in your thought processes. If the thoughts/desires don't make you feel happy or at peace, then yes you should seek therapy.

Before computers came along there used to be deep shame in some peoples sexual desires. If an adult liked wearing diapers, he/she would feel so alone and wonder if he/she is abnormal. With the internet, its easy to see that some people do have unique fetishes and desires. Even with S&M, as long as the adults are fully consenting and have a verbal agreement not to cause true harm, that's between them. The key word here is being safe and respectful to all.

As another poster said, you are young and your tastes/desires may change. If a person imposes shame on themselves, this often makes the urges stronger. Its up to you but if you're not happy, you should be honest with your therapist. I hope after the positive and accepting responses you got here....you'll feel more comfortable with yourself.