There's an example in the book "Mindsight" by Siegel in which he clearly demonstrates how our past and our unconscious will 'flavor' our reactions to signals we receive from other people. He says that if he raises his hand, a person from NYC may be thinking he's hailing a cab, a student may think he's wanting to ask a question and a person who's been physically battered may think he's going to strike.

So, our backgrounds color heavily how we receive this input. If we're not actively watching and observing our automatic reactions, we will default to the habitual, many times dysfunctional responses.

Granite - because of your history you default to interpreting your T as being angry with you with almost every way she responds to you. Try to take a step back and observe yourself doing this.

I have done the same thing with my T. Because of past hurts in my life, I interpreted her behavior as her 'punishing' me. Later on I was able to cognitively recognize that that was not true. I still hadn't been able to emotionally accept the truth but the conscious awareness that this was happening was the first step.

Slowly I was able to bring myself emotionally in line with the truth. All of us can 'save' ourselves. We don't have to stay in the prison of our past hurts. We do have some power here. It's tough and it takes time but sometimes we just have to push hard and be determined to go past our comfort level.

What's the worst that can happen? An emotional feeling of pain is what we fear so often. My T has explained to me that we will always be subject to feelings of pain and that's o.k. We are human and the whole array of emotions is what makes our lives rich and meaningful. It's only when we identify too heavily with that pain that we get too overwhelmed. Stepping back and observing it is the first step.

Granite - try not to make ultimatums for yourself such as "I will never ask a question again." I did that once and I was determined to stick with it at any cost. There was no way I was going to let myself be vulnerable again, I told myself. I would never ever let T hurt me again like that, I said to myself.

But, it wasn't T hurting me, it was my own subjective interpretation. So, I understand, I do.