Thank you everyone.

This was the first time I had written out what had happened. I do feel a bit better about it. I think i may bring this up in therapy. I just feel sort of silly considering the way worse stuff Ive been through, this seems negligent. But it obviously is not since this was three years ago and it still bothers me.

HBB,

yes, I know you are right. I have a very altruistic personality and it often gets the better of me. When people outwardly as me for help and I cant provide, i tend to feel very badly. though often it is not my fault. Perhaps this is a hint that it is something that I need to look at on the whole. I also still feel very guilty for my grandmothers death. My mother told me that I was the cause of her death, as I stressed her out. In reality, my grandmother smoked two packs of cigarettes and almost always had a water and vodka going, though she never seemed drunk. She died of cirrohsis(sp) of the liver and an enlarged heart.