You are not alone natani_girl.

I have also had severe depression. Three things that I have found help from are: meds, therapy and 12 step groups such as ACOA (http://www.adultchildren.org/)
I waited a looooong time to try meds. Then it took a few months to find the right one, then it took a few months to finally kick in. But it has really helped with the darkest thoughts.

Sending safe hugs and supportive thoughts your way.