I've been there many times. I hate taking antipsychotics, but I do have to when I am manic. I know it sucks but if it's what you gotta do to get through the mania, then you gotta do it.

I only take them when I am manic and then my pdoc helps me come off them when I am stable. He thinks I should be on them long term but I just can't live with the effects.

Good luck, know you are not alone in this.