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Originally Posted by amandalouise
Im an integrated person. none of my alters died or went away. everyone experiences integration differently because everyone has their own way that their system of alters are. So I cant tell you which integrates when. I can tell you what happened with me. first I was all these alters with their own way to be with no co consciousness, and a very few alters that I had some co consciousness with. the ones I could here were the ones that integrated with me firs I couldnt communicate with them or make them do anything or have them come out on demand or anything like that. but I could hear their voices. when I hears what they were saying I tried to take care of that problem. I did that for a long time then one day after taking care of this one voices problems for a while I didnt hear that voice anymore. at first it scared me to have no voice in my head talking about the things that voice would say. I picked up the phone and called my therapist. she helped me calm down and then she asked me questions about things that alter that belonged to that voice knew and I didnt before. but that day on the phone I knew the answers to every one of my therapists questions. I started crying this time because I was happy. that alter didnt die or go away, that alter was joined with me now. Everything that was that alter was now me too. I was so happy. I wasnt going to be dissociating into that alter anymore because she was now together with me. this alter integrating with me made my life easier, less complicated and I had more time to accomplish things I needed to. what happened with that alter integrating with me happened with each one of my alters over about a yr or more space of time. each integration was that fast that simple and that easy. with each integration I had to learn how to deal with being an integrated person that no longer heard that voice. no longer dissociated into those separate alters. there was no need for their voices and dissociating because they were right here with me.
Talk with your treatment providers they know you and will be able to tell you a bit more about integration and how they expect it to be for you.
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When you say voices what is it that you hear? Only once in my life I have heard a voice of a man clearly in my head. And he only said one thing one time. But I have always had thoughts in my head that I think of as moods. My thoughts talk to each other, but I don't hear a voice I just know what they are saying. There is not male voice or female voice. They have a presense that will be male or female but no sound of a voice. And when they are talking to each other it is about something I did or something I am going to do. So if someone doesn't want to go to the therapist I will get a load of thoughts giving me reasons why I don't need to go to therapy. Or is I forgot to pay a bill I will get a chastizing about focusing and getting things done. Sometimes the thoughts will be me a name but never to the point where I feel upset. They do speak to me in a way I would not speak to another person. I have been thinking about that lately because of something my therapist said. When I try to explain this to my therapist I don't think she fully understands what it is I am trying to say. I hope this makes sense. I don't like to go back and read what i wrote because sometimes I will change it or delete it. Do you understand the difference between hearing voices and hearing thoughts?