I went to group T tonight, and one of the newer members deals with aggression and anger issues....and spoke of not being affected by physical confrontation and feeling comfortable with engaging in it.

Some people reacted to him in fear....or discomfort....

Typically, I would feel that way too, considering how my parents were physically abusive to me...and being a (BLECH) victim of multiple CSA's, etc.

Yet, tonight, I felt a surge of energy at the idea of just beating something to oblivion.....I felt evil....

I would never think in a million years to physically hurt a person....so it scared me that I felt energized by the fantasy.....

....On the flip side of that, I also imagined how doing that would result in that throbbing numbness after a physical injury....and I related that to when I used to SI...and began to crave it....



Since I'm delving into trauma work right now in T, I'm wondering if this is all related....

Can anyone relate?