I think since I saw my T twice a week for so many years, it's hard for me to adjust to once a week. I'm really USED to seeing him every 3 or so days. There was a time when I couldn't have done once a week, and I really AM glad that that's all I feel like I "need" now...but it's still hard to adjust. It feels LONG sometimes, no matter how busy and full my life is.

We have contact between sessions, though, even if it's just me e-mailing to say "are you there" and him e-mailing back to say he IS there. And that helps, a LOT.

So. Because of Thanksgiving, I saw him for a regular 90 minute session, had an 11 day break and then saw him for 50 mins (we usually do 90 but we couldn't find a time that would work, and he had to come into work an hour early on a day he wasn't even going to be in the office to have the session) and now we're in the middle of the 7 days between that session and my next session. 50 minutes of T in 18 days is way way way less than I'm used to, and it's starting to feel kind of hard.

And...I e-mailed him Saturday and basically just said I needed to connect...and I still haven't heard from him. THIS is what I hate about the therapy relationship. I have no way of calling and just saying "hey! are you there? is everything okay? where have you been?". I just sit here and wait.

I know T would reply if he saw it, but when he "disappears" it's triggering for me. Not horrible, awful, spirally triggery...but just kind of sad and confused triggery.

I totally get that it's a busy time of year, he's probably really busy, etc., etc. And I totally wish I could just have that little bit of connection.

Friday still feels REALLY far away.