I felt like this when my t said some mean things to me so I understand feeling like they can hurt you and feeling silenced. I'm sure your t didn't mean to hurt you or silence you though. I wish she could have helped you in a way that ended up hurting less for you, but I'm sure she didn't want to hurt you, she wants to help you. I wish she had just told you she would be really sorry if you had decided not to come, like someone else said.

Maybe she couldn't think of the right thing to say fast enough. I don't know. When I read it first, I thought maybe she was afraid you wanted her to help you more than she's really capable of helping. Like as if you wanted her to force you to come instead of skipping, but she doesn't really have any way to do that. I don't know. Or maybe she was afraid you thought she would hurt you somehow if you didn't come. But she wanted to show there isn't anything she could do to hurt you-- like she wouldn't stop seeing you or anything.

Anyway, you are sooooo good at being straightforward about what you are feeling here on PC. I'm really hopeful it will go better for you with you t next time.