I feel silly for asking this, and because I'm using my phone I can't really write a big long post (which is probably lucky for yall because I tend to carry on). But I'm going to ask it because it's bugging me and I feel too uncomfortable talking about these things with anyone in person. But basically, how do you know when you like someone? I'm so used to blocking out feelings because 1. I've never had a relationship due to abuse to myself and most of my female relatives, 2. I've always been so convinced that nobody likes me that I blocked feelings to avoid feelings of rejection, and 3. Because I feel so uncomfortable with myself that the thought of me with someone and all that intimacy makes my skin crawl. But recently I've come to realise that I've done this for so long (literally years) that I have got to the point I can no longer see the difference between liking someone, feeling envy when someone else likes another person and not me, and just hoping someone will like me so that I feel wanted. For example one of my friends, I thought I liked. But he was in love with someone else, though he adamantly denied it. But everyone, including myself, thought he liked me. Then when I confronted him, he said that he had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. So I told everyone I didnt like him, looked for every flaw I could to convince myself I didn't like him, and now I don't like him and I wonder if I was just hoping he liked me and had envy with everyone else he have attention to. Now there is someone that I'm friends with who is about as decent as they come, and I thought I liked him. But I didn't think he liked me so I determined that I in fact did not like him and some dreamier better guy will come along. Then last week his step sister let it skip that he did in fact like me (she said she thought I already knew), but that he has said he doesn't anymore. But she thinks he is lying. So now I've been thinking about him again. But I don't know if it's just because I want him to like me or because I like him. I am a few years older than him and all his female friends are on him like leeches (though he's not one to take advantage of that). I am really confused as to what I am or am not feeling. And I feel like a 15 year old while I write this! Sorry I have written it so confusingly, like I said I'm writing this on my phone so it's going to take too long to write a more detailed story.