Exactly. "Swallowing" your anger, as you know, is a little like resentment. There's an old maxim about resentment that always makes me chuckle:

"Resentment is like swallowing poison, and waiting for the other person to die."

Our warrior spirit, shared by both men and women, demands our attention. It can speak to us in imaginal violence, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we need or want to go out and mug someone. Unless you have sociopathic tendencies, or these dark impulses become an obsession, you need not fear those fleeting thoughts that you judge to be inappropriate.

In fact, dark impulses like those you describe are quite common. I'll give you an example.

When I was a young father, our 2 month old son suffered from colic, which is a condition common in many infants that present as idiopathic (of unknown source) pains in the stomach area.

There's not much a parent can do, although there are some medical treatments of questionable efficacy offered.

Colic is accompanied by constant crying, sometime for hours. It's a heart-breaking situation for a parent, and is also most frustrating.

After a couple of weeks of colic, I began having fantasies of holding my son by the legs, and putting his head under water in the toilet bowl.

Now that's a horrible thought. At the time, I remember feeling very guilty about that impulse. After all, how could a caring father come up with such a cruel idea?

Well, the crux of the matter is that I never acted on that impulse (and never felt it again when either of my other sons had the same problems.) It gives me something to laugh about now, but at the time, I was profoundly disturbed by this impulsive thought.

Why did I have it? I don't really know, but I do know that i was under a lot of stress from worrying about his colic, and from being a new father. It does change your life.

That's my story, but let me speak of men in general. Many men, early in their adult emotional development, have one primary feeling -- anger. Yes, this is dysfunction, but quite common in today's male, who is understandably confused about his role in society for a bushel basket full of reasons.

These men need to stop and learn to feel again. Only through careful self-study can one mature to experience the wide spectrum of emotions accessible within the human condition.

Yet, anger should be dealt with and not eaten. Physical exercise is an excellent channel for anger (it's also good for your heart, and the endorphins generated through 30 minutes of aerobic exercise help give you a sense of well being for the rest of the day.) When I was younger, I went jogging -- it's an inexpensive sport that requires a small investment in good shoes. Now that I'm older, I swim for 20 minutes a couple of times a week -- more in the summer. Talking with a caring friend, or a the right therapist can also reduce anger-inducing stress. Experiment and discover what's right for you.

And relax. You are not a bad person for harboring a violent thought. We all have them.

peace.