All,

I'm just sayin:

Went to therapy yesterday. I was working with my current central issue...living with/dealing with my intuitive awareness. I call this issue "knowing-without-knowing-how-I-know". Some people might refer to these experiences "psychic" though that word has never been a great way to describe this set of perceptions for me. Anyway, coming to grips with having an extreme form of intuition is a central and huge problem that has brought me into this round of therapy.

I'm thrilled that I'm able to tackle this issue after long last.... and deal with a set of perceptions that are sometimes considered "crazy" by the dominant culture (sigh).

The problem is this: In therapy, I refer to myself as crazy when this issue surfaces. .I make a show of talking about these experiences and saying, ..Well, that's kinda crazy. Isn't it? Huh?

I do this in part because I grew up being labeled "crazy".

But in therapy? It's as if I like to PUT IT OUT THERE so I can be the one who said it...first. Kind of a pre-emptive strike of labeling myself, getting there first, I guess. As if hearing myself say "I'm crazy" hurts just a bit less than hearing it from another person.....

It's kind of fishing for confirmation that I'm not crazy and hoping that will help. But it doesn't help. Quite the contrary in fact. It's really self-lacerating.

Do you call yourself crazy? If so...why? Do you think it's amusing, disarming...shocking....self-defending?

I'm going to make every effort to NOT do this, particularly in therapy sessions, and then, if I feel ready, moving from there, taking this to the rest of my life.

I have a feeling I'm going to be working with this one for a while.