My Support Forums - View Single Post - Insecurities are ruining my relationship...or has it already been ruined?

fonseca1 · Dec 07, 2011, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irreplaceable

1) Men are visual...I won't get into the debate of whether or not he should or shouldn't look at porn, but I think it's unrealistic to think that he will never look...He's human...He will look....I'm a woman...And I will tell you this....I am very faithful to my bf....However, I am not blind...I will comment on an handsome man/someone I find attractive...It's not done out of disrespect...I may be involved with someone, but I ain't blind...I will look from time to time...But that's far as it will go....I've gone to male reviews (which is a form of porn/adult entertainment, someone correct me if i'm wrong)....Again, I'm in a relationship, but I ain't blind...As long as you keep things respectful, there should be no problem...

2) Whether or not he is still flirting with girls online, it's possible he is, and it's possible he isn't....From his responses, he knows that you are insecure...If he is still flirting, of course he is going to lie...Because he knows you are insecure, he will most definetly tell you what you want to hear, because he doesn't want you to be hurt...And because he knows it is wrong...If you would have not caught him flirting, I really question whether or not he would "stop" his behavior...

3) By you forgiving him, you can't keep holding things over his head....Do I think you have a right to be suspicious? Yes....Because of the things he has done in his past...I think that if he hasn't given you a reason to be suspicious since you forgave him, it's not really fair if you question him or by playing Columbo...

4) You only know what he tells you....

5) You have to either
A) Trust that he is telling the truth and move on in your relationship...
B) Play spy by checking on him...Cell phone, Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, whatever....Hey, I'm not condoning it, but I've done it in the past so I can't judge...Just prepare yourself for the worst
C) End the relationship if you can't deal with always questioning what he is doing....

Now as far as the porn thing, I understand your frustration....Think of why he is doing it...If you feel comfortable, why not offer to watch porn with him? The only way that I think a man would be disrespectful with porn is if he is addicted to it and if he chooses porn over me...And also, if he is constantly trying to make me be the women that he is viewing....Anything outside of that, I would say is "normal" for a guy to do....

In regards to the porn thing: I have offered to watch it with him and he told me that he doesn't agree with that. He believes watching porn is meant to be by yourself. Honestly, the porn thing is the biggest situation to me. I believe he is not flirting with other girls anymore and I believe he is not out cheating on me. I just don't know what to do about the porn. We're supposed to talk about it tonight, and I hope that by doing so, we'll be able to get to an understanding of some sort. It's just really hard to accept porn in my relationship when I have such insecurity issues.