T gave me a free 90 minute session. Whoo hoo! My bank account and I really appreciate that.

T screwed up on the time for our session last week and was going to arrive 45 minutes late for the session and it would be shortened, so I decided I didn't want to wait for him and left. I had a thread about this earlier: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=207155

At our rescheduled session yesterday, the first thing T does is apologize and as I'm reaching for my checkbook (I always pay for the session at the beginning), he says he doesn't want me to pay this week. He said he charges clients for a session if they don't show up and so if he doesn't show up when he's supposed to he should be charged too. That meant I would get a free session. He was very serious about this way to make amends and I accepted it readily as a way to help make things right between us and acknowledge how much he values the relationship (and to save myself some $$ too!).

We talked about the missed appointment and then moved on to other topics. He asked what I was needing from him and I told him I didn't feel needy that day, I actually felt great. So we had a great left-brained talk on some interesting issues. Then we circled back and talked more about the missed appointment. At times like this, I really value having the longer appointments so we can hit on a topic and then return to it for more exploration and processing.

Sittingatwatersedge, if you are reading this, I brought up with T something that you touched on in my previous thread. I told him that last week on the phone, while informing me how late he would be and that he couldn't extend my shortened session because he had another client coming, that it made me feel like the low client on the totem pole. The off-site client before me got an extra 30 minutes and no way would he shorten the appointment of the client after me. But I get my appointment time cut in half. He told me that as soon as he said that about the client after me on the phone, he realized it was an awful thing to say. And he apologized for that. He really understood and didn't try to defend any of his behavior. He thought it was all crappy. He told me a new plan he has instituted to try to make sure this problem doesn't happen again.

I told T that I felt I might have had some transference going on with how my XH used to treat me and how I felt treated by T when he was so late and offered me that scrap of a late, shortened session. I asked T if that were transference. At first T said well no, it's not transference to be pissed off and leave because someone you depend on keeps you waiting for so long. Later, I told him I felt this same awful feeling arise in this situation that I used to feel with my XH, and then he said well that is transference. I told him I felt compelled to leave the scene and not wait for him to avoid that scraps dynamic from becoming part of our relationship. (Also I was super busy and had a ton of stuff to do.) He thanked me for protecting our relationship like that and said he doesn't want that dynamic to be part of it either. He said I had set a boundary with him and held firm to it and he was glad. It was a good thing to set boundaries. He then asked me if I felt, if I were back in my marriage, if I would now be able to set similar boundaries with my husband. Unfortunately, I had to answer no. That relationship is too old and engrained. But I did think I could avoid a similar sort of new relationship from ever progressing that far. I now felt better able to be a more equal partner in a new relationship and set boundaries and trust my own feelings of "this is not right" if someone kept crossing the line and mistreating me. (With my H, I got to feeling this was normal, like I was brain-washed or something.)

Anyway, it was a good session. We even have an agenda for next time, which is very unusual. W plan to do some very forward-oriented work. T seemed excited about this, as he would like to help me make my life be great and what I want rather than just help me make my life not be awful. For a while now, the absence of awfulness in my life has been really satisfactory and felt wonderful. But I feel ready to move on to true positivity rather than just be content with a lack of negativity.