I'm new to this site but am desperate to reach out as my mind is going to some dark places. The past 3.5 years have been extremely hard for me and my family. We lost our brother unexpectedly... he was 41. About 8 months later my Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 uterine and endometrial cancer, which later traveled to her brain then back to her abdomenal area twice. She's been fighting it constantly since, chemo, gamma knife procedure, more chemo, radiation. My Mom is a tremendous fighter - I've never seen anyone stronger! As things progress, we are now out of options for treatment and it is just a matter of time. She suffers daily from a lot of pain and terrible problems from the colostomy she ended up with after the 4th round from the cancer. Currently she is only able to drink small sips of water and eat ice chips while they try a procedure to close a tear found in her colon on her last emergency visit to the hospital on 10/31. That was her 3rd visit to the ER that month with complications. She's back at home with my Dad but he's 75 and has his own issues - he can't hear has a bad back and shoulder with constant pain and in my opinion is experiencing demensia so it's hard for him to take care of her on his own. Thankfully my sister and I live within 5 minutes although I've taken on being primary caretaker as I have no kids. Between work, the time to help my parents and the money it takes to take care of my parents -oh and I'm recovering from a hysterectomy- to say the least I am a little overwhelmed! I have willingly committed myself to taking care of my parents to make their golden years as easy as I can because they are the BEST parents on earth. I will never complain about taking care of them. They sacrificed everything for us kids and now I will do the same for them happily. I just am having a terrible time dealing with watching them suffer and deteriorate. We are a very, very close family - you might say we're codependent on each other but in a good way.

I've increased my depression medication and it's been helping me get along.... until something happened monday night.
Monday night I discovered that my boyfriend of 2.5 years had cheated on or is cheating on me. (He says it only happened once) My boyfriend is someone I've known since and dated back in high school 20+ years ago. I felt very safe and secure with him and trusted him 100%! (which was hard to do as I got married in 2000 and found out 2 weeks later that my new husband was cheating on me. I hadn't dated since then) My boyfriend and I reconnected 2.5 years ago and things felt perfect, we just really clicked and we started dating again. In him I felt that I had both a best friend and a boyfriend who I was building a future with. I feel humiliated, used and a kind of offended at the timing he choose to do this. I told him from the start of my experience in my marriage and that trust, honesty and always being open about our feelings was very important to me in a relationship. I had even given him the opportunity to walk away from the relationship recently because of all my time spent taking care of my parents and that things were going to be tough, but I would understand - no hard feelings.

I'm feeling totally lost and alone. After talking last night and me crying most of the time, the guy hasn't even called today to see if I'm okay. I guess he wasn't even my friend.
Sorry my first post turned out to be a pretty negative post but I need to reach out to get this off my chest. I have no one to talk to.... although with most of this there's not much to say.

Please pray for my strength and guidance. I'm definitely feeling like a lost sheep losing faith and I don't like it.