SarahMichelle, I promise you that if she intended to say goodbye, that she'd say just that. I'm certain that she feels badly to be away from you for so long, knowing how much you depend on her, and whatever has taken her away is very trying on her as well. Family dynamics are so complicated for everyone and she sounds like an innate caregiver, so perhaps she's having trouble striking a balance between her needs (which include returning to her "normal" life, which includes you) and her family's needs. (Add to this a different culture, I'm not sure which, but many other cultures are more family-oriented than ours in the US.) Perhaps she has a good balance of being there for the people that need her, like you, during her life, but everything has been thrown up in the air for her. I know that she feels guilty because she knows that her being gone is influencing you so much. I think what's she's trying to say is she hopes that while she's gone she hopes that you can still find a way to enjoy life and be happy. This would honor her so much, even though it's really, really hard. She trusts you to try this, knows that it's hard and you'll have lots of trials and tribulations. Hang in there--when she left did you ever think you'd make it for 4 months? Congratulate everyone in side of you for that!