Sometimes it's hard to figure out what's going on online. I suggest trying to see a psychiatrist in person so they can diagnose what's going on. If you are worried that you are having delusions or hallucinations or if you feel like you are a danger to yourself or others, I would go into an emergency room. I know that you'd like to figure this out all by yourself, but everybody needs a helping hand sometimes. And, when you get the help you want and need, you'll be better positioned to help others.