There's no "just happens" about it. He IS your therapist. And he isn't in love with you.

You are talking yourself into something here, or at least trying to. Why? You say you can't trust yourself. No, most of us can't--it's a big reason why we're in therapy. Our instincts mislead us.

I understand spousal abuse and the need to know other men can desire us. I understand daydreams & longing. I understand wanting the love we deserve. But I don't understand jeopardizing a lot of hard work by going backwards & trusting the very instincts that led us astray.

You are smarter than this. Your therapist is clearly a professional. If you continue this, it will become ethically imperative for him to refer you to another therapist. Then what? Do you imagine he's harboring some sweet little love nest for the two of you?