Hi Pachy,

Yes. Sometimes my t does make mistakes in how she responds to me. Not on purpose, but I think because either (1) I am not clear on what I'm asking for, or (2) she is perceiving that I'm needing something different from what I am actually needing from her. Also, she has been ubrupt with me when she has been extra busy at work, so has resorted to a more formal/chopped reply in emails, which to me felt like a brushoff, but that she says didn't have anything to do with me personally. Thankfully, my t is usually very kind and considerate! But that's why it really throws me off when i get a response that feels bland/unfeeling/overly stiff. What troubles me the most is that those atypical responses from her seem to always follow right on the heels of me disclosing strong attachment feelings for her. I just wonder why. . .

In the old days of therapy, she used to apologize when she'd said or done something that hurt me. Nowadays, she's not so quick to apologize but, rather, to try to repair the rupture by talking over how i felt about what happened. That's good, except it never really clarifies for me which one of us was wrong -- was she insensitive/withholding, or was i wrong to expect/hope for a certain reaction?

I tend not to ask outright for something if I'm afraid of not getting the response I want. But I may "hint" or express something and hope for a particular reaction that doesn't come. I mean, after all, I'm not just going to come out and say, "I love you, but I'm afraid that I don't mean much to you. Do you genuinely like/care about me?" So instead, i may tell her how much she means to me, and that she will at least answer in a way that validates that our relationship means something more to her than me just being a number.