you need to stop blaming yourself, you didn't do anything wrong.
i was molested when i was a child, and feeling dirty or ashame was a part of me that would think that i did something to provoke this animal to do that to me, but it wasn't true, i didn't do anything.
he took advantage of me, just like this animal took advantage of you.
it was wrong what happen to you, it's down right disgusting.
i think a part of you feels that if you talk about this no one will believe you.
i believe you, and i validate you.
please get the help you need and deserve, don't do this alone.
thanks for sharing (((hugs)))