Don't worry about trying to deal with your BF any more than you have to right now. Communication from the midst of depression is too much to ask & usually isn't what we really want to say. Try if you can to stay in the present. Sleep when you can, tend to the horses when you must--some things like animal care must be done.

Focus on what's right in front of you. Please try to stay in touch here.

Do you have a medical doctor? Psychiatrist? Therapist? You need professional help now.