When I was a girl I was allowed to ride my bike to the top of the street where there was a stop sign, saying to my self 'if only I could get off this street everything would be okay'. This was a very abusive home (adopted parents) and I so longed to find a place that was safe. In my mind that would be to return to my bio parents. (open adoptions are the worst kind). I made my way back to my bio parents, what a nightmare that turned out to be. My father, the abusive drunk and mother was victimized emotionally, physically so at 12 years old I became my mothers protector. When my father pushed my mother I would push him back and when he hit my mother I would hit him back and lock him out of the house and would call the police who knew him very well. But mother would always take him back. My father tried to kill me on 3 separate occasions.
Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night to find him standing over me I would pretend to be asleep as he would gawk over me for a while & walk away this made me scared so I started to sleep with a knife between the mattress, until one night I was awaken with a pillow over my face and finding it difficult to breathe he applied more pressure, luckily he was standing over me so I was able to get up and kick him out of my room, had he been sitting on top of me I probably wouldn't be here. I told mother the next day but she was dependant on him and did nothing. I tried to protect her every time he started with her I would get between them get him to chase me and he did. I ran to my room he took the locks off the doors so I pushed something heavy to block my door, trying to call the police he kicked in the door and pulled the phone cord out of the wall and wrapped it around my neck I was able to get a couple of fingers between the cord and my neck. My father was a sloppy drunk, not very strong or stable on his feet when he was drunk. He looked at me and he wished I would die but I was a fighter and I was strong, stronger then he and got away. The police came and took him away but it would be for a few days and he would be back. While he was gone my mother was opening to think about making him leave yet being co dependant, mentally unstable this was difficult for her so I told her I cant live like this so he moved out and only came around when I wasn't home. I started to stay with friends a few houses down where I could get away from the drama. I didn't know that while I was away, daddy was home.
The last time I saw my father was when I returned home for a change of clothes and he was there a fight ensued and I got him out of the house and locked the doors and was calling the police and he walked straight threw the living room window with a wild look on his face I was so scared because I had nowhere to run or hide I heard the police sirens and my father ran away the police started to surround the neighborhood and he was found all bloody and cut up hiding in the bushes. Now he was gone and within this 2 year period I became an adult child.
By 14 and wanting to be an adult I allowed myself to be sexually victimized by an older man who was 22. He allowed me to think that I was in control and that made me feel like an adult, so I gave myself to him and enjoyed it, I thought that by giving him my body he would buy me clothes and food and eve
as great.(I know better now) I got pregnant at 14 and my mothers illness got so bad I had to put her in the hospital and now I became dependant on this older man and it was not so great after all. I ended up living with him at his parents house. I was so glad to become emancipated by a judge who against better judgment signed the paperwork. I looked forward to having a baby, I would love this child and give her everything I never had. Somehow in my mind at 14 this child was going to be my salvation out of a miserable childhood. I got married to this man. John.
3 days after my daughter was born my father heard about my daughter and was driving drunk to get to me, he hit a telephone pole and survived the accident however when he got out of the van to check for damage he didn't survive the multiple vehicles' that hit him and left the scene, (i wonder at times about the people who tossed my fathers body over and over like a rag doll) almost every bone in his body was broken and his head swelled to the size of a pumpkin. Karma isn't kind. I did not go to his funeral, no regrets. A year later my mother died in the psych ward in the hospital, her death, undetermined.(16 and on my own with a daughter)
3 months after my daughter was born my now husband was sent out for groceries and he was gone for along time and when he got back he was all sweaty and nervous and all he got was frozen dinners! Well a family friend worked security for a apartment complex nearby and was over the house at the time my husband came home. Within 10 minutes my life changed. There was a armed sexual assault of a 14 year old girl at the complex and of course my daughters father stopped by and told the police that he saw someone fleeing the scene so he gave them contact information. Well my husband who was now almost 24 and I was 15 1/2 took off his shirt I saw scratch/more like claw marks all over his back and elsewhere I knew something was wrong. The next day he dropped me and my daughter off at a doctor visit and never came back. I waited for 5 hours and then my in-laws picked us up and said John was being held at the police station and admitted to the assault on the girl.
I was now on my own at 15 with a child and little education. Devastated and confused I didn't understand how he could do this to me I loved him and stayed loyal to him for 2 years while he was incarcerated however as his parole date was getting close my mind started to shift. I knew I had to get away before he got back. So with little education at 17 I decided to go to bartending school. Legally you can work in a bar as bartender just no drinking.
I saw an ad in the paper for a single mother looking to share apartment. It was a one bedroom apartment so I had a fold out coach and a crib in a apartment I felt safe. However...
I forgiven my father many years ago, I can't shake the dead and make him
realize how much damage he caused and how my mother loved him so much that she died a year later not having him around, so I lost her despite all of my efferts. And I miss her alot. I wish she had a chance to watch my daughter grow up in a kind, loving mannor. To garaduate high school and college and soon to marry.