Here it is 2:53 a.m. and I am awake again. I have BP, BPSD, Depression, Separation Anxiety, Dependent Anxiety, and am dealing with a new revelation of abandonment issues, oh and yeah sexual abuse. I have started taking depakote after a pathetic attempt and a week long stint in the hospital. Now, I am back home in the same environment with the same stresses and am expected to magically be better. Unfortunately the only thing I learned in the hospital is how to lie and hide my illness so I don't get committed again (learned from nurses). I mostly still have the racing thoughts, anxiety, and just plain aggravation with my situation. I want to pack up and move to a new location, but I don't know if that is just another symptom. I don't trust my thinking or decision making skills right now. There are no support groups or therapists in my area, so my only place to rant is here. (hope you all don't mind) I just don't know what I am supposed to do. I have some family support, but they don't really know what to do with me. Please reach out and give me some love. I need to know if anyone else has felt this way or had this much on their plate at one time. Sometimes I feel like I am going insane. O.K. most times. I almost want to move into the hospital permanent. I guess I have bored you guys enough and it is after 3 so good morning to some and good nite to others. Thanks.